A lot of people drown in pools, but it’s not because they ate an hour ago, it’s because swimming is hard and we can’t breathe under water. Yes it’s possible to get cramps from any kind of physical activity but if you have enjoyed a lovely meal before swimming it may, in fact, provide you with the energy you need to swim successfully without drowning. This is called logic.
I was a kid in the 1960’s, and all my mum would say when we were on holiday was “You can’t go swimming for an hour after you eat or you’ll get cramps”. I had no idea what these so called “cramps” were, but to my young mind they sounded bad, but not bad enough for me to not want to swim immediately after several large helpings of paella. I could, however, climb a tree and hang from a branch with one arm, jump off a 6 foot wall, or run till I puked because these “cramps”, apparently, only preyed on swimmers. How did these “cramps” know you were in a swimming pool? How did the “cramps” know when the hour was up? If I ate a small salad would the “cramps” know this and not afflict me?
Let’s take a moment to define what a cramp is, a fact I found out in later life when I stretched my foot out in bed and a searing pain ran up my calf and didn’t go away until I pulled my foot towards my chin at an impossible angle. The dictionary says – A cramp is a painful, involuntary contraction of a muscle or muscles, typically caused by fatigue or strain. It is also a tool, typically shaped like a capital G, for clamping two objects together for gluing or other work. Parents can be tools too, especially when they lie to you.
A dolphin is a mammal like us humans and spends a lot of its time in the water. Is a dolphin susceptible to “cramps”, should they get out of the water after eating a meal? Will they get “cramps” in their fins?
So kids, if you are reading this, parents are evil, they lie, cheat and trick you. Go ahead and dive into the pool right after your large lunch, pee in it too, that red dye is a myth, drink coffee, it won’t stunt your growth and get way too close to the TV, your eyes will be fine, and if not you can always eat more carrots.