As you know I only speak facts and not opinions so what you are about to read here has firstly never been reported and secondly ………
……so I was strolling towards the Wuhan market and I met a man with seven wives and every wife had seven sacks, and every sack had seven bats, and every bat had a virus. Bats, sacks and wives, how many were going to Wuhan? The answer is of course none since we know the virus was started by Pangolins in a sand tunnel in sub Saharan Africa. Now the Pangolin, as I had first thought, is not a lost, deformed penguin but is in fact an anteater and is the most illegally traded animal in the world, they are literally everywhere.
Back in 1978 The Jackson 5 blamed it on the boogie, I, on the other hand, blame it on the Pangolin.
All this got me thinking about a world post Covid, a world with some differences but mostly the same, here’s my definitive list.
1. A 10 fold rise in requests for handicapped placards, since many will consider themselves to be emotionally scarred with Coronavirus anxiety and are unable to walk more than 5 feet. Strangely enough before all this nonsense started, dead people were using handicapped placards in California, and there were 26,000 of these zombies driving around willfully taking up blue spots.
2. More people will grow out of their religious beliefs, just like they did with their belief in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, instead of cherry picking the bible and only following the parts they agree with.
3. Now that the middle seat on an aircraft is the death seat I can travel with my emotional support Pangolin.
4. The two new, must have summer accessories will be a mask and an alcoholic to-go drink. The puritanical US laws surrounding drinking outside have been relaxed and are likely to stay relaxed, hopefully for ever. Now Annabelle and Cassandra, two yummy mummy’s with an extravagant lifestyle in Newport Beach can sit in the park and breastfeed while enjoying a Chardonnay.
5. Pandemic baby names will unfortunately become widespread, with Kovyd, Sanitiser, Pandemica, Quarantina and Charmin the most popular options.
6. Crime will increase again with more people out and about, especially in multi-storey car parks, which to me is wrong on so many different levels.